Static Electricity.
Yes. You read that right. Static Electricity.
Every winter my body becomes a mobile power plant. I am confident that if Duke Energy could harness the static electricity produced by my body alone that we could power the states of South Carolina, Georgia and half of Florida.
It's shocking, I know.
This reason alone is justification for a move to some warm Caribbean island.
If only there was a solution to my electrifying problem. I've tried rubbing down my clothes and jackets with dryer sheets, humidifiers, copious amounts of lotion...all to no avail.
Anyone out there who can help a brother out? I would be eternally grateful. But I probably won't shake your hand because I'd probably shock you.
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