Tuesday, November 27, 2012

What I like least about Winter

Want to know what I like least about Winter?

It could be the cold, but that's not it.

It could be all the dead grass that gets tracked into my house. But that's not it either.

The thing I like least about winter is static electricity. I am 100% confident that if scientists could figure out how to wire me I could supply power to the entire state of South Carolina from just the static electricity that comes from my clothes, body and vehicles.

It's so much it's shocking (I couldn't resist).

I thought I was going to spontaneously combust at the funeral I was at last night because my suit was so electrified.

Am I the only one with this problem? Does anyone out there have a solution?

In the meantime I'm going to start carrying a fire extinguisher with me wherever I go, just in case I break out in flame.

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